Innocence

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“It hurts so much. This is all I can think of. For this is not a pain related to anything material that makes it so painful. It’s my soul that seems to be feeling this pain. I think I’ve always felt this way. Never knew how to explain it or to tell what it is. I just know that it hurts and time is not healing, but only getting worse. This wound… I couldn’t find something that can heal it and this pain will continue till I find the cure, but how do I find this cure to it? I don’t even know what I am looking for and I’m so afraid to not find it. And to keep on feeling this pain and more pain. Afraid to keep feeling alone, of feeling cold, of being in the dark. I wish I could go back to when I had four years old, I dream about this almost every day. To go back to being that child. To go back to full innocence…” 01/12/2012

This is a nice example of what an unclear mind can do to us. My mind was so clouded while I was writing this that all I could see was endless suffering. Feeling so lost I thought I had to find the solution for what I was feeling outside of myself as if something would magically pull me out of it. I didn’t realize the solution lived within my heart. I already had everything I needed to heal it. I just wasn’t ready to see it yet. As I kept writing my mind took me back to the age I probably felt safe the most, which was a good thing to hold on to.

Also, I believe that on this example I was talking about something empaths and sensitive ones probably go through a lot. Experiencing a pain that doesn’t necessarily belong to them. The problem is that the emotions some empaths pick up on can become mixed with their own emotions. Creating a turmoil of overwhelming emotions. In my case it got mixed with the depression I was already experiencing which made me feel even more lost and confused.

Some can come to experience a sadness which is solely related to existence and life. Related to seeing the pain humanity has been creating to itself. This can really affect the more sensitives and cause perhaps an existencial crisis to emerge. Questions and doubts on life… When I was younger I used to imagine that some souls were made of just pure light and love that it’s almost as if they were not expecting to come here and see so much pain. Which would then create a deep wound into their soul as they grow up, making them to fall into despair. Sadness. Pain.

I think at this point I now understand it is vital to learn how to identify when we’re feeling something that is coming from the outside. However, in my own experience I’m still finding a bit difficult to allow myself to be sensitive and at the same time not let it affect me in a negative way like it’s been happening. Even after researching about the topic.

Usually I don’t know how to use affirmations effectively, but so far there’s one affirmation for empaths that has helped me.

“This emotion is not mine. This feeling is not mine. I send it back to the source it came from” (it’s from the youtube channel Vibrando Alto)

It helps to ease the thought that you need to carry the burdens of everyone around you. You don’t. It is okay to set emotional boundaries. It helps to protect your own energy and essence.

When I saw this piece of advice I didn’t like it at first and thought it was a selfish thing to do. But it does make sense, we’re not supposed to carry them for others, but learn to transmute what is negative into positive. Otherwise we will only accumulate more pain and potentially take the risk of losing sight of who we truly are. As an empath it is important to protect yourself first so you can take care of others if you wish to. It also works as a tool for developing self love and self care, for those who struggle with this too.

I believe this is the role of an empath. To be able to transmute.

I hope this can be helpful for you too.

Bia.

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